• Men pride themselves and their sexual identity by their ability to perform in the bedroom. Being able to have sex and by extension of that reproduce, is key to the male psyche. If a man is unable to perform as such, he will certainly feel inadequate, no matter what his partner says.
• Relationships. A woman’s sexual satisfaction is key in ensuring a healthy relationship in and out of the bedroom. The women’s liberation movement of the 1960s and 70s has seen women asserting their sexual rights as well. Women today are more aware of the kinds of sexual pleasures that they want to achieve. However, in general women take longer to achieve orgasm than men. Men, ejaculate and achieve orgasms on average ie within 7.3 mins of initiating sexual intercourse, as compared to women who ideally need about 11.3 mins.
• Pleasure and Better Mood – Sex is not only pleasurable physically, which is why as humans we pursue it. The body releases Endorphins and Oxytocins during sexual activity, enhancing mood and providing a sense of well being. Our bodies reward us for engaging in sexual activity with a better sense of wellness and intimacy.  

Premature Ejaculation is more common in men than most people are aware of. Or care to admit. Approximately 30 % of men experience this at some stage of their lives. So what constitutes premature ejaculation? Should it be 15-20 mins as pornographic films seem to suggest? No. In fact, approximately 7 minutes is about the universal average time.

Premature Ejaculation refers to the inability to control ejaculation during sex (ejaculation less than 2 mins after sexual intercourse). So what causes premature ejaculation? Various research sources indicate that there is no one reason or cause behind it. In fact, men can experience premature ejaculation due to the following causes:

Psychology: Stress, be it work or other forms of stress is a major factor leading to premature ejaculation in men. Such psychological causes may be as varied as having a poor self or body image, as well as performance anxiety issues when it comes to performing in the bedroom.

Neurochemicals: Brain Chemicals known as “Neurotransmitters” can affect sexual function. High levels of the brain chemical, Serotonin (5HT) can delay ejaculation, as some studies have shown.

Penile Sensitivity: Sensitivity of the penis is another key reason for premature ejaculation. The underside of the corona of the penis (mushroom head as it’s commonly known) is a key area for this. A man has increased chance of premature ejaculation, if he has hypersensitivity here.

As most men will know, it is not possible to achieve another orgasm immediately after ejaculation occurs. As men age this phenomena also known as the “male refractory period” gets longer. While a teenaged boy, post puberty may only need minutes post ejaculation to be able to get back into action. A man in his fifties, may actually take a day to actually achieve another climax.

Scientists explain that this is the human body’s response to “calm down” the nervous system after a period of excitation. After ejaculation, the sympathetic nervous system releases neurotransmitters that cause the smooth muscles of the penis to contract. A man’s erection then subsides. Accompanied by a loss of sexual arousal due to changes in levels of neurotransmitters and hormones such as Dopamine, Testosterone, Serotonin and Prolactin. This also explains the male phenomena of “rolling over to sleep after sex”

On average the refractory period in men lasts about half an hour. However, science does not have all the answers. By using different, varying methods of arousal and making a change in environment, (eg. Making love in a hotel vs at home) some men have managed to overcome the limits of the refractory period.

A medical professional may help, by prescribing “behavioral therapy”, such as the start stop and squeeze techniques (detailed below), or anti-depressants such as Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors (SSRIs), that block Serotonin (one of the hormones important in ejaculation). For men who experience penile hypersensitivity, some anesthetizing sprays are only available by medical prescription.

For men who are too shy to approach a medical professional or who prefer to using home remedies. The 2 common techniques (to last longer in bed), are known to be effective 50-95% of the time. These techniques may however, take a few months to become effective in practice. Some men may even need to practice them for life.

A common and simple technique to delay ejaculation, allowing men to last longer in bed, is the start stop technique. The technique involves stimulation of the penis and when close, stopping the stimulation for between 30 seconds to 1 minute. Repeat 4 to 5 times until ready for orgasm.

The above 2 techniques do require practice. … Sometimes months of practice. Some couples may feel that it just simply gets in the way of their sexual activity in a frustrating manner.

Tantric sex techniques as well as Kegel Exercises are two other techniques/Exercises:

In reality, there is perhaps too much mystery that shrouds these practices. Tantric techniques emply similar techniques such as the stop start technique to enable men to last longer. The main key to tantric sex techniques and tantra itself is the awareness of one’s own body. This is done through practices like conscious breathing and meditation among others. The whole concept of tantric sex practice is thus about achieving greater body awareness. Being aware of an impending climax or ejaculatory reflex and acting to stop that reflex, to enable lovemaking to continue.

Indeed a highly esoteric and complex topic that we’ll have to cover more in detail in a separate post.

The PC Muscles (pubococcygeal muscles) are a set of muscles controlling the urinary and defecation functions in the human body. They hold up the pelvic organs, such as the bladder and the bowel. They are also important for sexual function.

Our PC Muscles deteriorate with age. They lose their tautness and elasticity, if not exercised. Kegel exercises have been increasingly adopted to reverse this process. These exercises are helpful to maintain sexual health. They also aid in maintaining healthy urinary and defaecation functions.

So how does a man last longer in bed through Kegel exercises? To do this, try stopping the flow of urine – while you are urinating midstream. The muscles that enable you to do this action are your PC muscles. (These muscles, coincidentally also help you prevent farting). Another way to know - your testicles and scrotum should rise and fall with the muscle contractions/relaxation.

Kegel exercises involve flexing your PC muscles. Contract them and hold for 5-20 seconds. Repeat this between 10 to 20 times in a row, 3 to 4 times a day. Gradually build up the length of time holding the contractions and repetitions. This way, you will eventually be able to train your PC Muscles to maintain better ejaculatory control.

The following options may be helpful, if penile hypersensitivity is a cause of premature ejaculation:

Important Note: 2 really is not better than 1 when it comes to condoms. Especially when it comes to STD protection and birth control. Condoms are generally good enough on their own and are 98% effective. Failure is mostly due to mis-use on the part of the consumer. Wearing 2 or more condoms at a time, will increase friction between condoms. This increases the possibility that the condoms, tear or rip.

Some condoms come with an anesthetic agent – Benzocaine to numb the tip of the penis. This reduces sensation, and delays ejaculation. Men who want to explore this option should note that some brands and product lines of Benzocaine condoms may result in the female partner getting numb as well. Condom-sizes.org actually recommends Durex Performax in which the Benzocaine melts after sexual activity gets slightly more vigorous and starts to numb the tip of the penis. This reduces penile sensitivity, allowing a man to last longer in bed.

Apart from condoms laced with Benzocaine, sprays and creams are available to “de-sensitize” the penis of men suffering from hypersensitivity. We will not cover all products in this market segment as they essentially fulfill the same function, and just cover one, Promescent.

Promescent is the only US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved OTC penile hypersensitivity numbing agent. It comes in a spray form with measured doses. Men using it will be able to control how much of it they use. The main ingredient in Promescent is Lidocaine. Unlike in other Male delay products this compound in Promescent is claimed to be easily and quickly absorbed. Reducing senstivity in the user without affecting his partner’s senstivity.

The technique also combines ancient Chinese medical practices of reflexology. This targets acupressure points in the body, directly linked to Male Sexual health. Blood flow to the Man’s genitals is supposedly improved with the massage. The overall effect is to give a man better control, allowing him to last longer in bed.

You do not have to look far to see that this ancient technique is deeply trusted in the region. Channel News Asia, a trusted Pan-Asian broadcaster (often seen as the equivalent of CNN in Asia) carries the following report:

As seen in the video, the massage practitioner makes no claims about Urut Batin being a miracle cure. Nonetheless the level of trust for this traditional technique is clear. Even wives were seen to make appointments for their husbands with the massage practitioner, to have a healthier sex life.

Learn more about Urut Batin and how you can practice the self-massage technique here.

The last option we will discuss for men looking to last longer in bed, is not conventional. Many men may even feel very queasy and even objectionable. For many men, the idea of inserting a finger or anything at all, is simply too uncomfortable or unpleasant.

Yet, the prostate which is most effectively accessed through the anal canal (perineal massage is another milder means of stimulating the prostate gland as detailed in the urut batin step by step self massage e-book), is often described as the male g-spot and massage of this often overlooked gland is known to give men intense sexual pleasure. Some say more intense than a normal orgasm through penile ejaculation. Men describe these prostate orgasms as “earth shattering”. If you google prostate massage, you may sometimes stumble upon videos of men shaking somewhat violently from a prostate orgasm.

Prostate orgasm is different from an orgasm arising from a normal penile ejaculation. The sensations can be different. Men usually experience it around the anal/rectal region, the abdominal area, as well as the genitals. More importantly, the effects can be multiple in nature. That’s right, it is possible to achieve multiple prostate orgasms. Unlike orgasms involving penile ejaculation, men can achieve multiple prostate orgasms. Stimulating the prostate gland is one way a man can delay eventual penile ejaculation. All this without sacrificing pleasure while making love to his partner.

There are many reasons why men would want to learn how to last longer in bed. Personal pleasure fulfillment, and building his relationship with his partner, are important reasons.

At the same time, the human body is an interesting thing. To ensure the propagation the species, quick ejaculations and successful impregnation of a female are necessary. Lasting longer in bed is certainly not a priority when it comes to evolution but survival of the species is. However humans are not just animals but we crave the intimacy and pleasure from the reproductive process.

Ancient and modern medical science have come up with many options for men looking to last longer in bed. Education is key. By educating himself, a man will be able to learn how to last longer in bed.